riting rubber checks is bad enough, but add to the mess: Harold was the bank manager! Let me assure you that this kind of behavior from employees is not looked upon kindly by your average financial institution! Imagine his embarrassment and rage with me when one of his staff would have to sheepishly advise him of the situation and suggest that he make an immediate deposit. The phone calls I would receive during one of these incidents are not among my most pleasant memories. (And you think your blood runs cold when the bank calls.)

More than once Harold's job was in jeopardy and still I couldn't stop my outrageous behavior. I was not making enormous purchases. We're not talking new cars or even new furniture. I was five-and-ten-dollaring us to death!

Inwardly I felt frail, weak and insignificant. The act of spending gave me momentary sensations of power and strength. I would temporarily feel nurtured and cared for. These were wonderful feelings and I made sure I experienced them often. As time went on things were getting pretty sticky, especially around the first of the month. I had incurred such heavy consumer debt (all those credit accounts pulling down interest rates of 18% and up) that our monthly expenses exceeded our income. Fortunately for us, or so I thought, we were benefiting greatly from the real estate booms of the 70s and 80s. Each time we got too far behind we would just refinance the house, pulling out our precious equity, plunging ourselves deeper and deeper into trouble. And of course the higher mortgage payments would eventually put us right back where we had been. We bought into the debt consolidation theory: Take out one big loan to pay off all the small ones resulting in one smaller payment each month. What a terrible mistake that was.

Our difficult financial situation prompted Harold to consider a career change. An ordinary man would have considered something quite different, but this extraordinary man refused to give up on me. An opportunity came along to try self-employment and he jumped at the chance. He said goodbye to the bank and his paychecks and we took another financial plunge.

Together we made some crucial blunders: we were driven by the fantasy of getting rich quick; we went into a business about which we knew nothing and we did so with borrowed funds. It is no wonder that in four short months our first entrepreneurial attempt ended quite abruptly with a devastating business failure and the loss of all the money which had been temporarily entrusted to our custody (isn't that a lovely way to say "loan?").

Our debts were enormous and our income nearly non-existent. We were both unemployed and the pain became unbearable. I was terrified because I could see no way out. I had run out of measures to deal with the emergencies. We had all of the elements required for a divorce, bankruptcy, loss of our home and destruction of our family. I was desperate. It was only when I hit absolute rock bottom that I was willing to consider a change.